Monday, 10 November 2014

New Tools and Free Writing: Not a healthy mix.

I recently got a new Laptop.

A Toshiba Satellite S50-B. Not too bad. It looks slick with brushed stainless treatment.

I asked the fellow to please point out a computer with the capability to handle my future engineering programs, which I'm now at school doing. And one with an easy-to-use keyboard.

As every writer knows, getting to know a new keyboard can be interesting.

I was writing a scene from a new short when I encountered my first frustrating observations about the new keyboard. I thought it would be therapeutic to type out the experience as it was happening in a free-thought style exercise. Below is the result:

Isn’t it ironic that I love to type and the one thing that’s fucked up on my new computer is the new keyboard? It seems ironic. I don’t know what the definition of ironic would be if it weren’t a fucked up keyboard on the computer of a writer. Ugh, how mundane. Ugh! How mundane! Okay, now only the “E” is sticking, it makes this “Clap” sound a split second after my finger leaves the key. It sticks, slams back up and “claps” at me.

As a writer, I am highly offended. It’s almost obscene. E. E. E. e. e. e. e. e. e. e. Not sticking anymore. Now I wonder. What the fuck did I spill on the keyboard for the ‘E’ to be sticking like that??? Let me think, think, think. Did I spill something? Why is the ‘H’ acting up now?! You asshole at Future Shop! Selling me a piece of shit keyboard. If Adam Sandler had this keyboard he’d write a song about it.  

Well, the ‘E’ is not sticking anymore. That’s good. But now I’ve just realised that the delete key on my keyboard is disgustingly out of comfortable reach. I actually have to remove my right hand fingers from the keyboard to comfortably reach the delete key. Fucker.

I should have tried typing on the goddamn keyboard before I bought it. Goddamnit.
Weird. The ‘O’ is too far to the right, I miss it often. Have to hit the uncomfortably out of reach delete key and then have to actually look down at the ‘O’ key. What kind of moron makes a keyboard this way? I keep hitting ‘P’ instead. I’ve had to correct the word ‘keyboard’ multiple times now from ‘keybpard.’
K. I’m pissed. Seriously pissed, seriously-seriously pissed. I keep hitting ‘O’ instead of ‘I’, which makes it ‘possed.’ Ugh, I’m ‘possed.’

If I’m ‘possed’ and the ‘d’ is removed from the word. Would that make me ‘posse?’ If so, as a pleural word, would that mean that I am Schizophrenic?

Okay. I need to stop typing.

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